Wednesday, November 25, 2015

a thank you note to my mom. [part 2 of 3]

In the spirit of Thanksgiving this week, I am posting a three part series of thank you notes to some important people who have done so much to support me as I become a parent. Check back this week for the third note in my series. 

To my mom, 

Thank you for being here when I became a mother. Thank you for the months of phone calls about everything from cloth diapers to name choices while I was pregnant. Thank you for flying down to Florida, for taking a month out of your life to help me navigate mine. Thank you for the support you offered in labor, the back rubs and the pep talks, the knowing glances when a contraction would build and I feared I wouldn't make it through. Thank you for being there the moment my daughter was born, for holding my hand on the operating table and witnessing the moment I was born a mother. 

And thank you for the long hours spent on my couch in the weeks that have followed, in the afternoon and at three in the morning. Hours you have spent letting me wade through every feeling, every emotion that has crashed over me like endless waves in this terrifying new endeavor. You have sat without judgement and let me cry and name every fear and every frustration in that first overwhelming week. 

You listened and nodded when I held my fussing newborn to my bare breasts for what seemed like the hundredth time in the still of the early morning and wept about how I didn't want to be a mom, that I didn't know it would be this hard and now I wanted out. (Thank you for not laughing at my emotional ridiculousness in thinking I could just opt out of parenthood now. I guess it doesn't work that way.) You never told me to suck it up, you never rolled your eyes, you never trivialized my tantrums. I feel as though I've come crashing into motherhood and you've assured me that everything I'm experiencing is completely normal and will, in fact, get better. 

And thank you for celebrating the little milestones in the days and weeks that have followed; the first time I nursed in public without flashing everyone in the restaurant; the first time I didn't freak out when Eva started crying in public; the first time I felt rested after only a few measly hours of sleep. You have recognized and validated my deep need to maintain some sense of my old normal while embracing my new normal and I am deeply grateful for your encouragement. 

You are the best example I have of how to mother and I am so thankful you're on this journey with me. 

Thank you. 

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