I'm 21 weeks this week and we just found out that our little babe is a girl. She's measuring about the length of a banana and she weighs almost a pound. She kicks and rolls all day, but especially in the mornings as I lay in bed before I get up for work. It's the most precious feeling to lay there feeling little squirms and pokes inside me.
So far pregnancy has been wonderful for me. I didn't have any morning sickness in the first trimester, I was mostly more tired than anything. In fact, that's what tipped me off that I might be expecting- I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open and I was napping every day after work and still ready to crawl into bed at like 7pm. I took a test in the middle of the night when I let the dog out and when I saw a faint plus sign, my foggy, tired 3am brain jolted awake! I laid in bed for the next few hours trying to fall asleep and then waking up every half hour or so to Google things like how far along I might be and creative ways to tell your partner. When R finally woke up around 7am, all my grand plans for a sweet announcement went out the window when he turned and saw me looking wide eyed and wired and asked, "Why are you so awake right now?" and I whispered, "I'm pregnant!" (It is common knowledge that I am physically unable to keep quiet about surprises. This is just not something that is in my DNA.)
Ever since that quiet moment on that chilly February morning, my belly hasn't been the only thing growing. Pregnancy so far has been a season of growing for me. I feel my heart growing in moments where I'm beginning to think like a mama. A client called in furious that our counseling services weren't available sooner for her daughter who had just been sexually assaulted. This is after I got her on the calendar for a next day appointment. A few months ago, I would have rolled my eyes at a woman who was irrational and just looking for a reason to complain, but with a little squirming person nestled deep inside me, now all I heard was the desperation of a mother who wasn't able to protect her baby girl and there was nothing but compassion where there once would have been frustration.
I can feel the space in our marriage growing to accommodate this new little family member as we discuss strollers and childbirth prep classes and budgeting for a new addition. And somewhere, in the space between the nuts and bolts of the practical to-do's, there are conversations where we wonder if she will be reserved and thoughtful like her Dad or outgoing and spontaneous like her Mom. There are plans for her feeding and her changing, but there are also plans for how we will instill in her the things we think matter most about compassion and grace and being a light in a sometimes dark world. As we spend the passing months slowly putting on the new title of 'parents', there is space as we discover, even after a decade together, new things about each other.
The first half of this pregnancy has been all about growth and I am trying to be patient and not rush the weeks until we meet our little girl. I was also so touched by the love on Facebook and Instagram when we announced the other day. It was so great seeing comments and likes pouring in from all the corners of both of our lives, from friends we haven't seen in years and family we hardly get to see enough. It really does make me feel wonderful to know that our little girl will be born into a life where she is loved from all over the world! I hope to keep documenting this journey here, so please follow along as I do! In closing, here's a picture of our blurry little yogi from our ultrasound last week.