Saturday, March 16, 2013

in which things have changed.

I was doing pretty good with that whole blogging every day for Lent thing. Then my life went a bit off the tracks. And things changed. 

On Tuesday, February 26th, my Dad had a a heart attack and passed away. 

My Dad, who I'd talked to the day before and who teased me about this post and why he didn't get special posts like that. My Dad who loved reading my work and encouraged me always to keep writing. My Dad who I was very close to and love very much. And things have changed. 

In the weeks that have followed, I contemplated scrapping the blog. In fact, in the wake of grief I've contemplated scrapping a lot of things. And for a few days, I did. I scrapped showering and getting out of bed and having intelligible conversations. But that's not how life works, I've found. Things change and whether we like it or not, we have to change with them. 

So I'm not scrapping the blog. And I'm pleased to announce that I have resumed showering! I am scrapping the 40 Day Project, only because I have way too many things to catch up on since I went off the grid. But I do plan to continue blogging. 

And if you'd like to join me, I plan on going a little deeper. Grief did a funny thing to me. It ripped away the veneer of 'put-togetherness' that I've worked so hard to build up. It only took a few snot-dripping, red-faced, ugly cries for me to throw off the self-importance of looking put together. I don't think I've ever pretended to be anything I'm not, on this blog or in life, but I do sometimes worry that if I veer into really honest territory in my writing or in my relationships, maybe people are going to scrunch their noses and roll their eyes and leave me to walk down that path all by myself. But things change and life is too short to keep holding back, worrying that what pours from my heart to my keyboard isn't worth sharing. Maybe it isn't, but my heart beats to write and to share and so I will. 

Thank you for reading and not rolling your eyes and walking down that honest, not so put together path with me. It's certainly better with a little company. 

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