I am glad to report that I found a new church, after much church shopping, and I was so blessed to experience a beautiful communion on my first visit. I wrote about it in this week's edition of A Love Like This on the Circle of Friends website, which I've included below. Enjoy and have a great Friday. It IS on my to-do list to write a little about my home decor projects, but I haven't been able to finish any of them for the before and after pictures just yet. When I do, this will be the first place I brag about it.
A Love Like This
I love lists. To do lists, goal lists, grocery lists, you
name it. All around my house and in my purse and at my desk at work there are
notepads and little journals and old bank statement envelopes with lists
scribbled all over them.
Lists
make me feel organized and efficient. They help me clear my thoughts. I write
to do lists for the next work day so that I’m not frazzled the next time I get
into the office with which tasks need to be done. I make lists when I clean the
house because somehow seeing a completed list, covered in thick, dark lines
crossed through each item makes me feel more accomplished than even doing the job
in the first place. I write pros and cons when I’m weighing a heavy decision, I
make little lists of things I want to include in emails to R while he’s
away, I even write things on a list that I’ve already done, just to feel the
satisfaction of crossing it off. (C’mon, raise your hand if you’ve done this,
too. I can’t be the only one!)
I make mental lists, too. The lists of things I am constantly
aware of, but I don’t want in writing as a reminder. On one side of this list are
the Things I’ve Done Right and on the other are the Things I’ve Failed At. Woke
up early, did my quiet time, ate well, worked out; they all go on the good
side. I’m lucky if I manage a few good successes a day. But it seems nothing is
too big or small to go on the failed side; slept in, disorganized, didn’t
write, late for work, quick to anger, judgmental, not fit enough, not pretty
enough, and on and on.
Then something happened as I took communion this past Sunday.
As I held that little chuck of bread in my hand, soaked in grape juice,
mentally going over my week of failures big and small, I realized that
somewhere along the way, I believed this was how Jesus kept rack of my life.
Somehow I managed to believe that he keeps a big list in two columns and is
always watching me, evaluating, ever recording my successes and failures. When
my successes outweigh my failures, then I am welcomed into his arms, filled
with the lightness of knowing I’m loved and the feeling of being favored. But
when my failures have stacked up too high, because of my selfishness or because
I simply didn’t measure up despite my trying, then I am cast out, unable to approach
the throne because I am sinful and disobedient. Better luck tomorrow.
Oh I’ve got it so wrong,
don’t I? I asked as I stared at that little piece of bread saturated in
red.
My shoulders relaxed and my eyes closed as I took communion,
letting the reality of grace wash over me. I sat there for a long time, eyes
closed, sheepishly imagining my Father erasing my lists, assuring me that I can’t
fail big enough to separate myself from his love. I sat there, smiling with
eyes closed while he wrapped his arms around me and brought verse and after
sweet verse to mind to assure me that his grace really is amazing.
If you’re reading this, I’m praying he speaks the same sweet promise deep into your hurting heart and you watch on in joy as he erases your lists.
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