Wednesday, June 23, 2010

the south will rise again.

In an effort to write about our adventures, I suppose the time eventually comes when, amongst all the happy news and fun trips, the tides turn and we must share our bad luck as well. Friends and family, a sad thing has happened...

Our air conditioning is broken.

But that's not it. It gets worse.

First the air conditioning stopped working. "Turn on a fan!" I can hear our Northern loved ones saying. Well, all of our fans are on and all of our windows are open (something I was hoping never to do in my time down here.) and it is hot. Sticky, stagnant, humid, eat-two-popsicles-for-dinner-because-you-will-sweat-right-through-your-shirt-if-you-turn-that-stove-on hot. Right now, as I write this next to my open window, God help me, the weather is as follows: A hazy 93, but it feels like 103. The humidity is 68%. The temperature in our house? 90 degrees. I'm sweating just sitting typing. Now, it may seem that I am overreacting just a bit. You haven't heard the best of it. It wouldn't be enough for the air conditioner to go out...

The fridge is broken.

That's right, the only other thing providing any cold air in this house has decided to take a break. It's still providing some cool air, but consequently, meat and dairy require more than the measly 60 degrees she's putting out. And the ice maker is completely broken. So, goodbye iced sweet tea, one of my last refuges.

I am not blind. I recognize this for what it is. We're being punished. Southern Mother Nature, Northern Mother Nature's fatter, sweatier, louder sister is punishing us. We have not fully embraced the South and we are being shown what happens to Southern Mother Nature's house guests when they are rude. We chuckled at their accents, rolled our eyes at their pickled pigs feet, and refused to appreciate their Apocalyptic hot weather. And now we must pay.

Well, I have a message for Southern Mother Nature. Where we come from, it snows in April. While you Southerners are forgetting how to drive in the rain, we are digging our cars our of 5 foot snow drifts. Cancel school for weather? HA! Florida, I've stood at a bus stop in pouring sleet and a wind chill of -20. You've never even seen your thermostat dip below 30. It's gonna take a lot more than a broken air conditioner and a bum fridge to stop these Yankees!

Just please don't turn off the cold water?

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